This is the website of Joey Arak.

I respect the hell out of the craft of the sandwich artist. Even so, I have been scared to death to try the Subway pizza. After all, is pizza preparation even an elective at Sandwich U? But despite my fear and concerns, I have also been obsessed with the notion of the Subway pizza ever since finding out a couple months ago that the Tribeca Subway—the anchor of the Beach Street sandwich district—was serving up personal pies in 90 seconds. I flirted with ordering it once, before chickening out at the last second and opting for a Veggie Max at the counter. Today, finally, Curbed’s resident spectacled stud Kyle Crafton and I decided to man up and give those cheesy discs a whirl. This is our story.

PLUSES
· Cheap! You’re looking at $4 for a filling lunch.
· You get your run of the toppings bar, allowing you to opt for sandwich regulars you wouldn’t really ever consider on a pizza. Pickles, perhaps? Sure!
· The pizzas come to Subway frozen, so they are pretty much impossible to screw up.
· It basically tastes like pizza you would get at a concession stand at a Little League game.

MINUSES
· It basically tastes like pizza you would get at a concession stand at a Little League game.
· The pizzas come to Subway frozen, so they are pretty much impossible to improve upon.
· Kyle and I asked for toppings after the pizzas were stuck in the oven, so we just got some cold toppings sitting on top of a cooked pizza.
· Dudes, can we get some sauce on these motherfuckers, or what?

And now, a Subway pizza multimedia presentation:

My cheese-onion-tomato-peppers pie. Note how Subway has created branded boxes for the pizzas, proving the company’s commitment.

Kyle’s meatball pie. The subway employee (half-heartedly?) mashed the meatballs into the pizza with that big metal meatball scooper they use. I have circled some meatball chunks for emphasis.

A close-up of a slice. Note how the toppings are just sitting on top of the pie, stubbornly unwilling to integrate.

Kyle’s pizza bones.

A video of the unboxing, as well as Kyle’s first taste. For some reason, iMovie exported the clip in a very crappy file quality, but it adds a certain charm. All in all, the Subway pizza experience rates a 5.5/10, with a follow-up sampling inevitable.